Silence can be a deafening and hurtful sound in any relationship. One of the most common things I hear people say when their relationship is in real trouble is, “We don’t even talk anymore!”
There are some couples who can artfully interact in silence but know how to talk when something big needs to be discussed –and if this is you, ultimately you know how to work together; these tips will be a refresher. For those of you who have stopped talking and now the silence is a problem, this list is especially for you. Here are five things we hope can be a first step to bringing the conversation back into your lives.
- SCHEDULE IT.
Talking can be like sex sometimes in that we get in periods of being caught up in our own individual issues in a relationship that we forget to do it without recognizing it. Often therapists say if your sex life has fallen on infrequent times a first step is scheduling it. This can work for talking to, the first talk can be a bit awkward because it seems forced, but you can work through that d begin to look forward to talking again.
- TURN OFF THE TV.
Television can be to communication what a fly swatter is to flies, it can squash it. If things are really in tune television can be a conversation starter by discussing things you both enjoy or have differing views on and how you perceive the shows. Let’s be honest though like most people if you’re in tune you aren’t likely to be reading this. The bottom line is if your communication is off kilter TV can be the enemy so you may want to try taking the TV out of your bedroom for a while and see where that takes you.
- TAKE A TRIP.
This can be difficult on finances for some, but no one ever said trips had to be expensive. Try things like camping, visiting family that you can stay with, or day trips like walks, fishing, or hiking if you have budget concerns. If money isn’t a worry, then go wild. My suggestion would be to go someplace new to the both of you so conversations can be easier to generate. Remember when you first started dating and you talked for hours, that was in part because everything was new and there was so much to tell each other. The same mindset can be placed on a trip to a new place giving you two new things to talk about.
- TAKE TURNS BEING THE DEDICATED LISTENER.
Sometimes people stop talking because they feel like their partner is simply not listening. You get a feeling of why bother you’re not listening anyway. The thing about listening intently is you can begin to get deeper insight into your partner, their fears, their worries, their insecurities, and anything else that bothers them. The next level of that is to ask questions for clarity after you have listened to go even deeper if possible. This will allow both of you to be heard and guess what is happening as a result, YOU’RE TALKING AGAIN!!!
- WRITE A LETTER TO EACH OTHER.
I know the record just scratched for you like wait what I just said we weren’t talking wouldn’t writing a letter be more not talking. Don’t fret there is a method to the madness. The purpose of the letter is to be a conversation starter. So yes, YOU HAVE TO DISCUSS THE LETTERS!!! A letter can be a very personal way to communicate because you have a time to make sure you said exactly what you wanted to say and needed to get out while making corrections and making sure it’s done in a loving way. Next step is to talk about it, ask questions, ask for clarification, then ask follow-up questions. A piece of advice though would be to make sure there are both positive things and things that need to be addressed in the letter. Let’s be honest you wouldn’t want to read a laundry list of nothing but everything someone feels you need to fix, so most likely your partner doesn’t either. So, make it a habit of telling them some of the things you love about them too.
Hopefully these tips will lead you and your honey back to laughing, talking, and loving. If all else fails, you two can talk about how crazy we are for writing this and then guess what – you’re talking. WE KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!